New plans

So besides signing on, filling in the tax credit forms, applying for every job locally that I feasibly can, trying to claim mortgage payment protection insurance, trying to communicate with my ex-boss and friend (FAIL), working out what cake to make for Harry's party (eek) and the many many other things I find myself doing these days, I have come to a decision.

Working with children is the way forward.

So as I mentioned before, I am definitely pursuing childminding (and possibly nannying in the interim) as my most logical option. I have sent off the form and a deposit cheque for the initial briefing and I am hoping there will be a course nearby in the not too distant future. I will call them and chase it all up tomorrow. So I will be needing more equipment (double buggy - quite fancy the Jane Powertwin, but second hand of course) and I am starting to think of activities. The latter may be jumping the gun a tad but I am keen to do creative things. I feel this aspect is important as well as all the early years guff you have to cover.

I think this childcare path is right because the panic has eased off a bit since we decided this was a viable option. And that has to be a good thing.

My very good friend has just qualified/registered and I hope she doesn't feel I am treading on her toes. We are a little over a mile apart from one another, commuters would use different stations for each of us and we will probably offer different environments too. I hope you don't mind Net, if you're reading this. I am coming at it from the same angle as you. I get to be with Harry and earn money at the same time. I hope we can do some stuff together. Music and arty things maybe... :)

Milestones

It's coming up to Harry's first birthday and therefore it is a time of much reflection for me. I find it amazing to believe he is nearly one. This time last year I had already been on maternity leave for almost 3 weeks as I just couldn't keep heaving that lump of a bump up into London. I was beginning to get bored and frustrated, wanting to have my baby with me NOW! I think we had just finished our NCT classes which I am so glad we signed up for as I now have 7 fabulous mummy friends who all gave birth pretty much within 2 1/2 weeks of one another other so we coped with the madness of childbirth, sleepless nights, feeding problems etc together. I couldn't have coped without them!

It has been a wonderful year of change. Everything possible has changed really apart from where we live (mores the pity but that's another story!).

The change having a baby causes to your relationship is quite incredible not to mention challenging at times. It becomes accepted that the third person in the relationship is the one on the pedestal, loved with total unflinching, unconditional love by the original two, while the latter play the loyal supporting roles, thinking only (mainly) of this new gleaming, shining light of a child. It is only really toward the end of this first year that we have more time for one another again I think. Whoever said having a child could save a relationship is clearly insane.

The change to me both physically and mentally is immense. If I told some of my oldest friends that I was considering becoming a childminder they would laugh so violently the chardonnay would shoot out of their noses. Yet I am; I had to give up my London job as I could have been away from Harry for 50 of his average 84 hours of waking hours a week. Something that seemed ludicrous. So childminding will mean I can be with him while he gets to spend time with other children too. A perfect scenario. Physically I am so much stronger. Carting around a 29lb-ish (not had him weighed for ages) wriggling child has made me that way. Being able to pick him up with one arm (my left!!) and get to my feet from the floor unaided strikes me as almost chimpanzee like - I suppose we regress in our primeval roles.

So lots of change, and even more to come as we wind our way through the next year and the next and the next. Preschool starts next September...what a thought.

Onwards we march, but with love in our hearts.

dealing with disappointment/worry

things to be disappointed and worried about:
no job
no money

things to be happy about:
harry <3
simon
lucy
caravan
there might be some warmer weather at the end of this week
and many other things including a new kick ass cv

money worries? I laugh in your face...